Date Archives June 2016

8th July 2015

Dear Oreoluwa
You are about to get a text from ICAN that would make you feel like your world is crumbling and someone is twisting your insides. I need you to know that this isn’t the end of the world and your insides are fine.
I know your birthday is tomorrow and you want to stay in bed and wallow in self-pity. Please don’t plan a trip to the dam, Mo will take the best photos of you and Tofu would surprise you with a cake for the first time since your fifth birthday.
Cut your hair, it is long overdue don’t worry it would grow, take longer walks, have longer conversations with Aunty Kemi and Mr Mayor they have an arsenal of knowledge you would need in the coming months. Stop running to Lagos every weekend, you would miss Ilorin so much when you leave and not have the opportunity to visit.
Your holiday to Ibadan would be life changing, your inspiration for life would be renewed and you will meet and accidentally fall for someone, don’t think too much of it, just go with it. This experience would make you very happy, sad and angry, all at the same time. You can choose to avoid this all together by not having a conversation about the Civil War. This is totally up to you.
You will have another episode of depression and thoughts about dying, talk to someone about it; it isn’t bad to ask for help. Mama is trying, cut her some slack open your mouth let her know what is going on, let her know how you are feeling. Communication will make a lot of things easier to deal with in the coming months.
Don’t be Afraid; fear would keep you from a lot of adventures, go to places on the spur of the moment; the things you worry about currently wouldn’t matter in a few months.

Lastly google ‘’Bethel Music’’ and ‘’Shima Yam’’ you would thank me later

For My Sisters

I miss the late night parties we had. We made the poor life decision of eating spicy noodles and smoked chicken 1 a.m. in the morning. We had ice cream to go with it on some nights and on some other night we had cold drinks but on every occasion cold water served us just fine.
We laughed about this poor life choice; we cared less about the bloating stomach that followed, we were just happy to be alive in the moment and share a good meal.
We talked while we cooked, we laughed about life, worried about which direction our lives were headed, asked  why we were still single, when our love story would happen and we cried when everything we were dealing with in our separate lives became too much. The important thing is after our late night parties we always walked out of room A41 with bright smiles.
We made each other better because we were unapologetically honest, not holding back when we needed to point out flaws in the next person and giving praise when due and most importantly we let God teach us about the true meaning of sisterhood.
The interesting part of our parties were when we would discuss the word, break down the scripture, share new revelation on things God was teaching us in our individual lives and when our parties were approaching the end we would argue on who got to wash the plates and kettle (I know you are thinking it, yes we cooked noodles in a kettle).
I miss this so much so in the last few months. These nights are long gone and I find myself craving one last spicy noodles meal at 1 a.m.
We have arrived at a new season; the things that consume our conversations are different. We are getting married, starting our homes and it scares me, I find myself asking ‘’if we are ready’’, Room A41 nights were two short years ago.
Two things are constant in my life; changing seasons and my sister who I share each season with. Understanding this makes embracing this season easy, I still have my sister, to call when I get confused, to pray with and share the occasional lunch dates and I understand that this season would end and we would be sharing tips on how to get mucus out of the nose of a new born and potty training tips in no time.

So can we have one last meal of spicy noodles and smoked chicken?

8th June 2016

 The 8th of June 2012 stands out because you left without notice. We spoke two days before your death when you called to say you will be going to the hospital finally. I was shocked about the word finally and mama and I asked why the finally. We asked “are you going to die?”, to which you replied “all will be well”.  In retrospect I think you were shouting out to us to come because you were going. Grandpa you knew you were going!  There was a level of finality to our conversations that week and sometimes I wish I said more to you, I wish we planned to visit immediately you said the word FINALLY.
I went to watch ‘’Avengers’’ the Friday you died and for a while after your death I wondered what you would have said time and time again ‘’Ore you were watching Avengers while I was dying’’ maybe something less cynical and more comforting. I have learnt in the last four years that time doesn’t stop because you are in pain; time doesn’t go back so you can say a proper goodbye. You just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving.
Grandpa you introduced me to writing, made me feel like I have a voice and something special to say to the world, but whenever I read over the tribute I wrote when you died I feel I let you down with the words I wrote. I wasn’t thinking straight at the time a part of me still believed I would walk into the room downstairs and see you seated at the table and writing in one of your many journals.
A year after your death, Mama, sister and I shared our memories of you. It was that day I accepted that I wasn’t going to walk into the room downstairs and see you writing. After this realization I wrote about you, Grandpa, where I imagined you to be and I shared with my mum and sister, I believe I am ready to share it with the world.
Rest Well Grandpa and you are welcomed to visit me in my dreams.
In the Clouds

I seat in the clouds 
Watch what goes on below
It feels good to watch all of them
Keep tabs would be the right word
I can’t leave them, we share bonds too deep
To let the cold hands of death rip through those bonds
Keeping tabs is so much easier from up here
I have 6 places to visit, located in three different continents
It is so easy for me to travel back and fort  
My weight is lighter than air,
The clouds in the rotating sky my means of transportation
I move the glass plate to the center of the dining table before it falls off the edge
Help my sons out at work, mostly with writing proposals and reports     
Listen in on the bed time stories of my grandchildren
I have time to zip back and plant a goodnight kiss on my wife’s fore head
As interesting as this sound, I can’t get a real hug anymore
None of them even know I am there
I have my honey and pap by myself 
No amount of honey can make this sweet
I wish I could be back
My wishes fall on deaf ears
With almost 365 days in this state I am happy to report this sucks
I need to wish my granddaughter happy birthday or rather make an appearance
Zip back tell my wife how the event went
Maybe I would drop in on my daughter
In my state the opportunities are endless.