In my years of playing dress up as a child
I understood that what you wore can help define you
But in this store I realized that you might even be able to change who you are
Maybe you could walk in here one person
A kid from Agege and walk out as Lisa Folawiyo
Or the next day you could walk out as
Scarlett J.
The choice is all yours
Staring at the mannequins
I wanted to be them
They wanted to be me I presumed
At least I get to walk out the door either way
Clothes in hand
A life to live
But in that moment we were one
We both chose to be Rita Dominic
Cos I would have it no other way
In a place filled with clothes I might never get to see
Rita Dominic would be the best alter ego
Or her fashion stylist
It was euphoria just thinking about it
I found a sequin buba blouse
It was staring at me with immense sadness
I stared back in awe
We were both lost in opposite worlds
She wanting to be loved
Me wanting to be shiny
It was a typical tale of the grass is greener on the other side
We exchanged glances again
And we both knew
I had to be Rita Dominic if only for an hour
Cos we both knew the only place I could afford these clothes was inside the mirror
And I was willing to take my chances
But then there was a problem
There was nothing suitable to pair with the blouse
And it hits me
The eternal struggle to find the one
Is it a myth
Is it real
As I struggle with the answer
I find the most perfect pants ever
Yes it is
Do the math
I walk out the store feeling 100 years wiser
Confused girl with sweaty palms.
By Onomesan Oyo
Instagram has returned invalid data.
June 2015
I Set You Free
A thousand moments have I lived
All glistening moments
Those moments led me to you
They prepared me for you
Your eyes that are ready to travel
Your feet adventure ready
You take my hands in yours
Your soft palm against my calloused palm
You didn’t care, you just lead the way
You take me on a different kind of journey
A journey rocky, but we find a way to peace
Your beauty always shines
I can’t believe I helped create you
That you are part of me
On rare days I see myself in you
I have to set you free,
You have earned your wings
I don’t want to set you free
I do it anyway…
For Mama
20thJune 1965.
It was a Sunday morning; Agboola reached over to his bed side table for his glasses and wore it. He was a light sleeper and had heard every turn his wife made during the night, her distress had become his own.
He had never been around for the birth of any of his children, when it came time for the heavy duty part of the pregnancy, he was always unavoidably absent. For the birth of his first son he was away in London on study leave and for his second son he was away at a conference he couldn’t get out of attending, on the 5th day of the conference that his wife gave birth to their second son.
By some weird stroke of fate he always named his children before they arrived, but this pregnancy was different, he had seen every trimester and watching the whole process left him in awe and gave him a new appreciation for the creative power of God.
He hadn’t picked a name and though he had made a number of lists over the course of the last eight and a half months, no name on the lists felt right. He felt it kick, turn and respond to the sound of his voice and he couldn’t help wondering how it felt in the confinement of the womb.
He was looking up at the white high celling; his wife turning again distracted him from his thoughts. He always wanted to ask how she slept with the huge bulge where her stomach used to be. Agboola’s memory from the last time he asked one of his many questions was still fresh so he quickly learnt to keep his questions to himself.
He turned on his side and watched his wife sleep. He decided to wake his sons up and get them ready for the church service. He got out of bed after one last look at his sleeping wife and walked out of the room.
He supervised his sons morning bath and helped them get dressed in their Sunday bests, served them a breakfast of corn flakes and milk before returning to his wife. She was half-way dressed for church, already wearing her ‘’buba’’ but couldn’t get her ‘’iro’’ into a fine knot around her bulging stomach, he suggested that she wore one of her long dresses to save the stress of the ‘’iro’’, as he walked into the bathroom.
He came back to meet his wife sitting with her ‘iro’’ unknotted on the bed and he couldn’t help wondering why her stubbornness heightened during her pregnancies. She turned to him and said ‘’we need to get to the hospital’ she said calmly. ‘’She is coming’’ she finished.
Agboola looked down at himself in his towel, he wasn’t ready for this; he wanted to be prepared when she arrived and he didn’t feel in anyway prepared. He got dressed in a hurry and helped his wife change into one of her maternity dresses. He then carried her overnight bag on one shoulder and supporting her weight on his other shoulder.
He helped her into the back seat of their Peugeot, his first son sat in the passenger seat next to him and his second son sat in the back with his mother and through the review mirror, he saw him clasp his hands around his mother’s hands.
They arrived at the hospital and his wife was checked in while he and his sons were told to take their seats in the waiting room.
He was never good at waiting.
He couldn’t keep his eyes off the huge clock located above the nurse’s station; he had counted more than a thousand counts of the second hand of the clock and then the minute hand. At that point he decided to take a walk and find something to keep his mind occupied.
He noticed a bookshop across the road from the hospital, told his sons to sit and wait while he went across the street and they should come find him if anything happened.
Books were his home, they were words written, begging for understanding, words written to be interpreted and words that helped him understand life better.
He crossed the street and walked into the bookshop, he went straight to the poetry section; he ran his hands over the various collections of poems and smiled as he recognized the names of the poets. He had studied many of them. Recently he’d started teaching so he analysed the poems and gave them his own spin when he was in his class room.
He settled for a copy of Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass, he bought a note book and a pen and sat at one of the reading tables located near the front window of the bookshop. He began to write his name on the book, changed his mind and settled on writing the day, 20/06/65.
He read the introduction of the book, highlighting with his pen, lines he wanted to make reference to later. He dropped the book after a few pages, opened his notebook and started to write a new poem for his daughter ‘’Orin Fun Aderinola’’.
As he finished his poem he saw his older son walk out of the hospital door and he packed up his purchase, walked out and called out to him not to cross the street.
He walked briskly over to his son ‘’the baby is here’’ he told him , ‘’they wouldn’t let us see the baby and mummy’’ he said agitated.
‘’we will go and see them both now’’ he replied
They walked into the hospital and straight to the nurse’s station. They were guided by one of the nurses to the maternity ward, a long room with large windows and hospital beds lined up against the walls as well baby cribs located at the end of the beds.
He saw his wife as soon as he walked in, ‘’she is here’’ she mouthed at him and his sons walked closely behind him, they made their way to her bed located at the middle of the room. He hugged his wife and carried his daughter. She was all pink and her little fingers were struggling to hold on to anything. As she yawned he whispered ‘’welcome Aderinola’’. ‘’come and meet your sister’’ he called out to his sons.
20thJune 2015
Agboola went on buying new books every year on the 20/06, and he had a special row on his book shelf where he stored all the books according to the year he purchased them. He and his wife went on to have two sons after Aderinola but this tradition he did for only his daughter.
Since his age didn’t grant him the luxury of frequent travel he invited his daughter to visit on her 50th birthday and she was downstairs waiting. He put the finishing touches to what he had written all those years ago, although he swapped some lines but it stayed true to its original form.
He made his way downstairs, greeted his waiting daughter and handed her the poem. He saw tears form in her eyes as she quickly wiped them off with the back of her hand ‘’this is really beautiful daddy’’ she said.
‘’I have two boxes of books for you in the study’’ he said with a mischievous smile.
Letters 01
Dear Friend,
100 days since the last time we spoke, I haven’t felt the need to speak to you. I am learning to move through life by myself. So I will give you a quick update, I have driven my car into the wall a few times, this makes everyone laugh when I tell them the stories of the different dents on my car. My hair is almost natural, kinky if you will, I love it, how is looks and how it feels but everyone keeps asking when I will relax it. I stopped wearing earnings because I feel uncomfortable with them and that has lead to a new title “Deeper Life Sister” I am happy I am becoming comfortable with my life decisions and learning that the only person I owe an explanation is God and myself. I started a manuscript titled “Dates” it is moving slowly but I am proud I started and it feels like it is going to be something really great and a good read. They are simple stories about Nigeria, that I believe need to be told. I am accepting love, it isn’t easy considering my many walls but it is a work in progress and a new experience I crossed two items off my bucket list which are making colored hair and dancing in the rain p.s it left my hair smelling and my chest aching but it was worth it. I love living with my two room mates, they are a breath of fresh air and everyday is something new, a new adventure and we are making memories. I have a few new of projects but they are secrets so I will let you know when the time is right. I love you and appreciate you reading my letters and making time to reply.
Your Friend, Ore.
