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I Set You Free

A thousand moments have I lived
All glistening moments
Those moments led me to you

They prepared me for you
Your eyes that are ready to travel
Your feet adventure ready

You take my hands in yours
Your soft palm against my calloused palm
You didn’t care, you just lead the way

You take me on a different kind of journey
A journey rocky, but we find a way to peace
Your beauty always  shines

I can’t believe I helped create you
That you are part of me
On rare days I see myself in you

I have to set you free,
You have earned your wings
I don’t want to set you free

I do it anyway…

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For Mama

20thJune 1965.
It was a Sunday morning; Agboola reached over to his bed side table for his glasses and wore it. He was a light sleeper and had heard every turn his wife made during the night, her distress had become his own.
He had never been around for the birth of any of his children, when it came time for the heavy duty part of the pregnancy, he was always unavoidably absent. For the birth of his first son he was away in London on study leave and for his second son he was away at a conference he couldn’t get out of attending, on the 5th day of the conference that his wife gave birth to their second son.
By some weird stroke of fate he always named his children before they arrived, but this pregnancy was different, he had seen every trimester and watching the whole process left him in awe and gave him a new appreciation for the creative power of God.
He hadn’t picked a name and though he had made a number of lists over the course of the last eight and a half months, no name on the lists felt right. He felt it kick, turn and respond to the sound of his voice and he couldn’t help wondering how it felt in the confinement of the womb.
He was looking up at the white high celling; his wife turning again distracted him from his thoughts. He always wanted to ask how she slept with the huge bulge where her stomach used to be. Agboola’s memory from the last time he asked one of his many questions was still fresh so he quickly learnt to keep his questions to himself.
He turned on his side and watched his wife sleep. He decided to wake his sons up and get them ready for the church service. He got out of bed after one last look at his sleeping wife and walked out of the room.
He supervised his sons morning bath and helped them get dressed in their Sunday bests, served them a breakfast of corn flakes and milk before returning to his wife. She was half-way dressed for church, already wearing her ‘’buba’’ but couldn’t get her ‘’iro’’ into a fine knot around her bulging stomach, he suggested that she wore one of her long dresses to save the stress of the ‘’iro’’, as he walked into the bathroom.
He came back to meet his wife sitting with her ‘iro’’ unknotted on the bed and he couldn’t help wondering why her stubbornness heightened during her pregnancies. She turned to him and said ‘’we need to get to the hospital’ she said calmly. ‘’She is coming’’ she finished.
Agboola looked down at himself in his towel, he wasn’t ready for this; he wanted to be prepared when she arrived and he didn’t feel in anyway prepared. He got dressed in a hurry and helped his wife change into one of her maternity dresses. He then carried her overnight bag on one shoulder and supporting her weight on his other shoulder.
He helped her into the back seat of their Peugeot, his first son sat in the passenger seat next to him and his second son sat in the back with his mother and through the review mirror, he saw him clasp his hands around his mother’s hands.
They arrived at the hospital and his wife was checked in while he and his sons were told to take their seats in the waiting room.
He was never good at waiting.
He couldn’t keep his eyes off the huge clock located above the nurse’s station; he had counted more than a thousand counts of the second hand of the clock and then the minute hand. At that point he decided to take a walk and find something to keep his mind occupied.
He noticed a bookshop across the road from the hospital, told his sons to sit and wait while he went across the street and they should come find him if anything happened.
Books were his home, they were words written, begging for understanding, words written to be interpreted and words that helped him understand life better.
He crossed the street and walked into the bookshop, he went straight to the poetry section; he ran his hands over the various collections of poems and smiled as he recognized the names of the poets. He had studied many of them. Recently he’d started teaching so he analysed the poems and gave them his own spin when he was in his class room.
He settled for a copy of Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass, he bought a note book and a pen and sat at one of the reading tables located near the front window of the bookshop. He began to write his name on the book, changed his mind and settled on writing the day, 20/06/65.
He read the introduction of the book, highlighting with his pen, lines he wanted to make reference to later. He dropped the book after a few pages, opened his notebook and started to write a new poem for his daughter ‘’Orin Fun Aderinola’’.
As he finished his poem he saw his older son walk out of the hospital door and he packed up his purchase, walked out and called out to him not to cross the street.
He walked briskly over to his son ‘’the baby is here’’ he told him , ‘’they wouldn’t let us see the baby and mummy’’ he said agitated.
‘’we will go and see them both now’’ he replied
They walked into the hospital and straight to the nurse’s station. They were guided by one of the nurses to the maternity ward, a long room with large windows and hospital beds lined up against the walls as well baby cribs located at the end of the beds.
He saw his wife as soon as he walked in, ‘’she is here’’ she mouthed at him and his sons walked closely behind him, they made their way to her bed located at the middle of the room. He hugged his wife and carried his daughter. She was all pink and her little fingers were struggling to hold on to anything. As she yawned he whispered ‘’welcome Aderinola’’. ‘’come and meet your sister’’ he called out to his sons.
20thJune 2015
Agboola went on buying new books every year on the 20/06, and he had a special row on his book shelf where he stored all the books according to the year he purchased them. He and his wife went on to have two sons after Aderinola but this tradition he did for only his daughter.
Since his age didn’t grant him the luxury of frequent travel he invited his daughter to visit on her 50th birthday and she was downstairs waiting. He put the finishing touches to what he had written all those years ago, although he swapped some lines but it stayed true to its original form.
He made his way downstairs, greeted his waiting daughter and handed her the poem. He saw tears form in her eyes as she quickly wiped them off with the back of her hand ‘’this is really beautiful daddy’’ she said.
‘’I have two boxes of books for you in the study’’ he said with a mischievous smile.
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Through Mr Johnson’s Eyes

My really good friend Mr Johnson spent the last year, serving our country in Imo State.
He takes really good photos so I will share a few of Imo State 
I really want to see Nigeria one day travel state to state that sort of thing and I pray it is possible.
But before that happens I will visit in photos.
Enjoy!!!

I know this doesn’t address the big issues like politics, global warming, tribalism etc but I also know that little things matter

The tragic thing about Imo, Owerri specifically, (and Nigeria by extension) is that it had some of the best public spectacles – awesome theaters, kickass stadiums, handball courts (How many of you have actually seen a game of handball played, it’s quite intriguing)

It’s tragic really, because it ‘WAS’ not ‘IS’ – imagine a Nigeria where It was common place to hang out at the stadium and watch the local teams practice while the stadium management harasses you for littering (because face it, you’ll be littering one way or the other) or a Nigeria where, instead of saving money to watch a movie (not saying that’s not equally thrilling) you’re saving money to support that team you’ve watched practice every other for years, maybe it’s just me but I won’t mind living in that Nigeria

It beats a Nigeria where diverse people only come together to fight one injustice or the other amongst themselves, hardly ever to support themselves

I know this doesn’t address the big issues like politics, global warming, tribalism etc but I also know that little things matter

These pictures just show a little bit of the beauty that WAS, that SHOULD and CAN BE

Oh and a grasshopper, just because I can 😀

Mr Johnson. 

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Procrastination

I don’t think I want to get out of bed 
I’d much rather lay here instead
Counting imaginary starts in my head
Sit, stand, no lay back down
I decide to lay back down
Whatever I have to do I will take it slow
Slow, steady maybe I’d  win the race
Even if I don’t win maybe I’d place
                                     
Tomorrow seems like a better time to get out of bed
Maybe start working on THE PROJECT 
Get some lines on paper
Work up an amazing caper
But all that can wait till tomorrow
Right now I think I’ll lay back down
Keep counting the stars
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4749 Days

It was the third weekend after my Grandfather’s death, my mum; sister and I were in Ilorin holding the fort till my uncles arrived.
I remember everything about that summer because I learnt my first lessons on death many more will follow in the years to come. The fleeting nature of life how one minute there is peace in your world and the next everything is in total chaos.
I watched everyone coming to the house to pay their condolences from my seat on the stairs separated by a floor length cupboard so I was out of sight to the visitors in the setting room and I listened to all the stories they were telling about my Grandfather. The stories brought me closer to me Grandfather, helped me understand him better, I learnt  about kindness and the love he showed to others and how his life set an example for other men to tailor their lives.
I wanted to punch some people in the face. The first question many people ask when a person dies is how old the person was, like the number of years lived in some way justifies the death. Knowing the age doesn’t make it easier for the loved ones, because for them they still long for on last conversation, a hug, a shared meal or a birthday message.
So when I reply that he was 83 years old and they justify his death by saying he was old and go on to say he lived a full life, I want to say to them “he didn’t see me graduate from the university or get married or meet any of his great grandchildren or finish our conversation on the rights and rituals of marriage of the Yourba people”. Instead I did what was expected and gave the polite answer “Thank you for coming”.
I wish they just told their stories about my Grandfather and stop trying to make any of us feel better, they were failing by a huge margin.
Three weeks gone, it was 22 days and 24 days since our last conversation I was keeping count because it helped me cope. I was down to crying two times a day once in the night and another during the day when I was overwhelmed I always retreated to the merry-go-round for this – it is always better to cry in private.
Sometimes my sister joined me at the merry go round and we talked about long holiday after the end of the school year the endless memories we made during those cold morning and hot afternoons. A matching swing set was located next to the merry go round.
My Grandfather’s reason was very simple “There is no space in crowded Lagos” he said with a mischievous smile spread across his face “so I need to make my home a special place for my grandchildren to escape too”. He accomplished his mission and we have buckets full of fun riding bicycles around the golf course, climbing mango trees to prove that. 
The white car drove into the compound; I noticed it out the corner of my eyes, I didn’t pay much attention to it because of the numbers of cars driving in and out these past three weeks. My sister went in to get biscuits from where my Grandfather always kept them because in the 22 days since he has being gone everything in the house was unmoved; his buba and trousers still hung on the cloth hang beside his bed, his pen was still capped careful placed on his open journal in at his desk in his study, a person can easily say we were hoping he was away on a trip and he would arrive soon so everything in the house was going to be where he left when he arrived.
My sister emerged a few minutes later with more than just biscuits, she somehow managed to bring along another human being. “Hello my name is Oge I am Fordun’s cousin” she said I looked up at her and greeted her. I always known her from afar we shared cousins. “I need to get something from the car I will be right back” she said.
She walked to the white car packed under one of the many fruit trees located along the fence of the house, I watched her go, and it was a breath of fresh air, having to focus on someone new.
I turned to my sister and gave her ‘the explain yourself look’, “her mum and her grandma came to visit us” she said I nodded. At that time and into the future I  learnt to say less, observe more and study situations to get all the answers that words provide and the ones that they didn’t.
She came back and joined us on the merry-go-round, I watched Oge and my sister talk about the future, the things they hoped to achieve. Oge spoke passionately about going abroad for her university education, how much she hated her secondary school and all the changes she wanted in her life.
I watched Oge and my sister share stories about our shared cousins and I couldn’t help think of how much death causes us to plan for the future to dream of a place where the current pain of loss is felt less and hurt that runs through you at the moment you have learnt to deal with.
We strolled out in the evening to get ice cream and we three became an unlikely support system. She was gone by Sunday morning along with her mum and her grandma.
2years 7 months has passed since my grandfather left and now Oge is gone too she lived 15 years, experienced four leap years and lived a total of 4749 days nothing can justify this, no one can ask how old she was and try to console any of us with that.
I have my set again at the steps I am listening again, I am learning about her, as a cousin, a sister, a daughter, about her first step, her first word, her mischievous deeds, her thick glasses she wasn’t so found off, from voices laced with tears and half-hearted laughs.      
I leave the steps and walk into my Grandfather’s study, his pen is still capped pen is still laying on his opened journal, it hasn’t gathered dust because we clean like we are waiting for him to show up. I sit at his table pick his pen and turn the page and I start to write, to my surprise the pen isn’t dried up. I start my first letter, one I should have written to her 2 years 7 months ago.
Dear Oge,