I had this great idea late 2014 when I was stressing about motherhood {The name of my blog accurately describes me} and I asked my mum a number of wired questions. She didn’t give me satisfactory answers, but she did her best. I really should ask her how it feels having three children that are highly opinionated and have endless questions about life and everything in between.
To deal with my fears I decided to write letters to my children about all the things going on in my head at the moment. I will like to read over these letters and see how unfounded and ludicrous my fears are have a good laugh about it.
Dear Children,
You aren’t born yet, I am yet to meet your father or may I have met him and I didn’t notice I can be scattered brain sometimes and not notice important things or signals. So I apologize in advance for the little things I may not notice or forget.
I just realized a few months ago that I am scared of ‘’love’’, the thought of becoming totally vulnerable with another human being and inevitably giving them the power to hurt you scares me but I understand that to bring you into the world I will have to overcome my ‘’love weariness ’’ as I like to call it. So I am letting God teach me about love, how to love and how to accept love.
I enjoy changing diapers, I will probably share your baby formula with you, according to Grandma, I didn’t like it when I was a baby so you can say I am making up for it. But I am scared of a few things, like who would teach you to read, not to wet the bed, how to talk and write. I feel like I am not ready to welcome you into this world with so much hate and chaos.
This keeps me going and looking forward to the day I get to hold you in my arms, I didn’t bring you into this world on my own, you were given to me and your father, a precious gift to care for. I have to believe that God, will protect you and lead you in the right direction.
I don’t have a handbook on how to raise you but be rest assured I will pray every step of the way, let the Lord guide the decisions we take concerning you. We will definitely step on each others toes every now and again but don’t let us stay mad at each other for too long. Lastly you are not getting a mobile phone till your 16th birthday. If I had my way we will live on acres of farmland in a place with poor cell phone reception.
With all my love; Mama
P.S. I have many more letters to write to you!