I recently read ‘Reasons To Stay Alive’ by Matt Haig and it got me thinking about all the reasons I have to stay alive and I decided to write them all down. Please be gentle with me and do leave a reason or two of yours in the comments. 

Things I Want To Keep Experiencing 

  1. Live worship sessions: From singing off-key during my private worship sessions, to singing with my friends and gathering to singing at church events, I always love and look forward to every worship experience.  
  2. Time with my family: Listening to my brother and sister’s endless banter on who is finer, my dad constantly reminding me I am the shortest child and my mum laughing in the background echoing that all her children are beautifully made. I live for these moments, the reassurance of love I feel in them and the knowing that I have a tribe of people looking out for me. 
  3. Conversations with my Uncle: Here is the weird thing, my almost 60-year-old uncle is one of my best friends. I appreciate our safe space, where we can talk about everything from work to self-created boy drama. He listens, gives his opinion and I always walk away with a course of action. 
  4. Written Word: From novels, poetry and essays to hand written letters P.S. I don’t receive enough hand written letters. Please feel free to send me one.
  5. Dairy-Free Ice Cream/Products: I love ice cream but it always upsets my stomach. Dairy-free ice cream provides me the opportunity to indulge with reckless abandon. 
  6. Sun rise and sun set: I know it is cliché but I love how beautiful the sky looks and the routine of the sun’s rising and setting, two constants regardless of whatever is going right or wrong. 
  7. Walking: I love walking and listening to loud music or having a conversation with anyone that I have successfully dragged on a walk with me. 
  8. Conversations with my friends: I am grateful for the important connections I have made over the course of my life and the safe spaces created from these connections; spaces where I can be myself, share my dark humour and sometimes, find answers to my questions about life. 
  9. Total Woman Conference: My friend and I run a ministry for women. We have a yearly conference and, year on year, it is always the most beautiful experience with the Lord and the ladies who attend. Definitely one of my highest points every year. 

Things I am Yet to Experience 

  1. Falling in love: I know, I should have experienced this by now but, it is what it is. That said, I don’t believe I have ever taken the plunge and let myself go in the knowing of another person and getting known by them in return. 
  2. Traveling: I have this dream that I will wake up one day and buy myself a round trip ticket, hop on a plane and experience food from diverse cultures all over the globe 
  3. Read my bible cover to cover. 
  4. My first book signing event. 
  5. TamTam, Kunte, Kiite, Forekems’ (my cousins) graduation from university and just the opportunity of watching them grow and find their place in life. 
  6. Graduate from a PhD program. 
  7. Share my faith; talk to someone about why I believe in God, His love and truth in bible. 

This list is really important to me because I spent most of my 20s feeling very hopeless; questioning why I was here in the first place. Many, many months were dark and it has been a journey of walking through scriptures and filling my life with a lot of love. 

It feels really good to be able to dream again, to have hope and even have a list of reasons I need to be here and things I’m looking forward to to share.

My biggest take away is that there is always light, some of us just have to search a little harder for it.