My love story is one that has had so many sides. The type that could bring tears of hurt and laughter. I have been told that I am very soft and emotional. Because of this, I have had to put up a strong independent woman front. It’s funny how the ‘ones I love’ always see through that. They make me ‘fall in love’ so I become so vulnerable and emotionally attached. The moment that happens, I seem to crave every dripping sauce of their attention. I tend to make excuses for them when they make mistakes or do other things like cancel on dates. It then seems like they can control me.
I got out of a relationship last month. He was someone I knew had taken advantage of me because of my nature. He was not a bad person, he just had his flaws. Flaws I had trained myself to accommodate and deal with on a daily basis. My heart got used to the hurt of being left out, ignored and having my value questioned.
In the beginning, it wasn’t like this. I was his queen, our lives felt evergreen. But as they say, not everything is as it seems. I took the bold step and walked away; to let go and forgive us both. I remember how I made every effort for us to meet up and talk about it. But he kept giving excuses and I kept managing. It got so bad that I got depressed and questioned my self-worth. We eventually had to talk about it via the phone, a method I truly detest, but I had no choice as I was terribly hurting and I didn’t know how to express myself.
Today, I have chosen to love and stop giving such power of happiness to others. I know I can be soft and I am accepting me for me. I have tagged 2019 a year of personal development and self-discovery. It’s safe to say I would be dating me; to know more about myself and how I can get to find me in my relationship with God.
I have told myself that love is beautiful and I should be open to falling in love. After all, I am human.